The Kluck Index

Looks like we're about to peak as a species, Elon Musk bought an old jalopy, Ted Nugent needs to check himself, some of us don't clean....like at all and it's time to appreciate weed!

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Women are flocking to the trucking game, idiot kids are still looking for Ninja Turtles, half of us are leaving this Spring and White Claw wants your driver's license!

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Philly is making it rain, we now have a powdered beer, Snoop is in the coffee game and raise your glass baby, it's National Cocktail Day!

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Home prices are finally heading in the right direction, half of us would get Fido tattooed on us, California hates Skittles, the Sweet 16 kicks off today and love is in the air!

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Jimmy G has a quite an offer on the table from a couple fans, we're ALL drowning in mortgage debt but I have a solution, ChatGPT is coming for our jobs and our lives and let's all celebrate West Virginia!

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Finland should rename themselves Fineland, an OG Batman is going to cost somebody Bruce Wayne money, Dunkin retires a classic and this country hates beards all of a sudden

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We hang to clothes for a long time, Germany is handing the elderly over to robots, marriage is good for the ladies, we ALL hate taxes and Costco has a new contender in the heavyweight division.....

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HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY

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None of us are doing date night anymore, Lindsay Lohan is with pregnant, Aldi has never seen an Easter Bunny apparently, the sadnwich could be killing us and man splitting the bill sucks!

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We have a new date for our Singularity Event Party, Facebook is not getting many likes this week, we don't know what nutrition even is and Krispy Kreme has you covered this weekend!

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We are a nostalgic bunch, the Bears are wheeling and dealing, gas companies smashed the hell out of us last year and Walmart is getting ranch....ranch ice cream. 

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Vegans deserved obesity too, banks are acting like it's 2008 all over again, the brackets are set and we lost an hour although it feels like a helluva lot more over the weekend!

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Scared of clowns? Science has your answer! AI is getting out of damned hand, divorce sounds expensive in Spain, Shawn Kemp is have a wild retirement and move over purple stuff, Sunny D is bringing the heat!

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We may have a new Kardashian cast member, being old doesn't mean you get what life is about, Aaron Rodgers may head East, Lack's Links is out of their minds and Starbucks has a new bevy but also a missed[...]

Wendy's is busting into grocery stores, Hugh Jackman is living the life I want to live, 21 times of "that" a month seems touch low, a third of us are screwed come April and it's International Women's Day!

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Some young ladies are cooling their heels on the sex, if you're nice you're gonna have a bad time in retirement, Victoria's Secret is back and Germans.....keep on being very German. 

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Today we celebrate the dentists, lament a GIrl Scout Cookie shortage, wonder whay trains can't stay on the tracks in Ohio and find out what kind of person rocks a mullet. Also I dog sat, 0/10 would recommend. 

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Celebrate the National Anthem, walk 11 minutes a day or else, keto and paleo may actually be the worst, KISS announced their final show and KFC has answered our prayers!

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We have a new "cleanest city in America," parents work hard to sneak time away from their kids, Dunkin' wants you dead, Applebee's is starting a fight league and West VA wants you baaaaack!

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We wish our health was like our car's, sugar is bad and it turns out sugar replacements are worse, kids are lying about crossword puzzles and there is a decent chance you can kill and get away with it!

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Bruh, it's the finale of February already?!!!! 

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We're getting priced out of new cars, we are the reason we're single, Bam is mad at all the wrong people, maggots are in, trains are out and tip one back its Nat'l Kahlua Day!

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Meemaw is going back to work, skip the straw today, indoor cats are living forever nowadays, we lie about our selfie touch-ups and I'm selling one of my babies.

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We have a new happiest city in America, Red Lobster is blowing up the freezer aisle, all the fellas need to tip back a few more Cokes and we have a party bus trip today!

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Apparently Indiana isn't focused on the big issues anymore, Mama June is married again, our food kills overseas, we've ALL tried to lose weight and Happy Ash Wednesday, fellow trainers!

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A pastor finds out Jesus is hard to beat, McDonald's rechristens a classic, more mystery balloons, Meta wants your money, half of us are pure of thought and it's Fat Tuesday baby!

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A catalytic converter thief meets his maker, the drugs are getter harder, Dollar Stores will soon be all we have and believe it or not....my van was pulled over for excessive SPEED over the weekend!

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Talking with friends is important, sugar is once again trying to wreck your ass, Netflix is going to show us how the sausage is made, dudes have gotten longer and today we celebrate the humble cabbage!

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Prices are up, fun at the grocery store is down, true crime docs and podcasts can save your life, kids aren't driving, half of us think the news is lying and there are tow careers that are happier than all[...]

Genesis is stealing from old people, we're under siege by UFOs, none of us are well, time to cut the cord and celebrate Wisconsin!

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Happy Valentine's Day! Listen with caution as it has been said (it hasn't) that the Index can be a bot of an aphrodisiac! 

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More "balloons" are floating over us, ladies do NOT want fancy bloomers for tomorrow, our kids can't read and inflation is the reason she ain't getting a gift tomorrow!

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A Russian secret is no longer a secret, we hate ugly food, kids love their pets, just over half of women want the same thing for Valentine's Day and it's Super Sunday!

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Leo DiCaprio is having a rough go on social media this week, 7:23 is a bad time for all of us, we're betting it ALL on the Super Bowl, our cars are too big and our kids are too smart. 

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Michigan can puff it's chest out a bit this week, we're alll going to watch Sunday, Doritos is back on their bullshizzzz and so is Pepsi. Also...anyone seen a North Korean dictator?

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Taco Bell's assault on your drawers continues, only a few of us are honest about or saving ability, a celebrity bonks her head, we still believe in true love and is it illegal to posses a dolphin skull?

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Joe Exotic has a new will, KFC has a new sammy, the under 45 crowd HATES work, life expectancy is down for Hoosiers, we have an oldest dog, a coldest mountain top and man that balloon was everywhere this weekend. 

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Sour Patch Kids wants in on your Valentine's plans, we still use old timey cold remedies, you don't even get an hour if a date is going bad and we celebrate the worst moment in music history. 

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Sour Patch Kids wants in on your Valentine's plans, we still use old timey cold remedies, you don't even get an hour if a date is going bad and we celebrate the worst moment in music history. 

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Papa John's has a new trick up their sleeve, Exxon got ALL our money last year, Dr. Phil is done, some in Alabama is missing something VERY important and a ton of us are staying in for Valentine's Day. 

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The Dallas Zoo needs to really lock it up bro, almost all of us think our pets are fans of our favorite teams, more of us than ever are living paycheck to paycheck and Dry January is OVER

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NYC has no snow, single people hate being single, there are some wild STDs, bad times at Buzzfeed and today is the last day of Dry January!

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Aaron Rodgers rumors are running hot, we love plotting vacays on the clock, we think we're pretty smart and the Super Bowl is set, LFG!!

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Take an N/A beer to the gym next time, we all travel for the same reason, it's the last weekend of Dry January, Philly has job openings and turns out junk food is worse for you than drugs!

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My Limp Bizkit idea gets shot down at work, Campbell's is coming for your underwear, Panic! At The Disco is breaking up and 1 out of 3 people in this country can't read gooooood. 

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TikTok has all the power, some of us are shelling out money for a good rubdown, the Earth may have stopped spinning, four dudes lost their freedom and the M&M candy mascots are retiring!

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The U.S. has the beast and biggest, loads of people are out there mispronouncing everyday words, neighbors aren't very neighborly these days, some of us are getting "the sex" and say it ain't so Tool Man!

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Some of us can't even do one push up, we have 8 sad days a month, Mt. Dew has a new hot sauce flavor on the way, churches are closing all over and some people replace their toothbrush once a[...]

North Dakota wants all the sexy out of the libraries, the dollar is down, breakfast is up, your toddler knows when you're full of it and it's National DJ Day yo!

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Green places may help your need for meds, intermittent fasting may kill you, we love our bananas, celebrate the humble Quark and our country is spending like we're in our early 20s!

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Great news, prices are coming down! Bad news, not that much. Wyoming sounds like a welcoming place, we're a nation of coffee junkies and everyone is asking Tom Brady the same thing!

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Always fun when wealthy people try to tell us poors how to live, Andy Dick is out there on that Andy Dick grind, Cheetos has a new trick, some of us are dream chasers and Dry January is halfway over!

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Satan is up, the Lord is down, today we celebrate the fig newton, Britney had a rough weekend, Putin may be hanging up his suit and I didn't win a single lotto jackpot over the weekend!

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We do not care much for congress members, Sierra Mist was euthanized, we're not having babies fast enough and it's Friday the 13th!

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Mee-maw is on the weed, the WWE may have been sold, Cheetos has a bold new flavor and man, you thought YOU spent a lot of time in traffic? Pour one out for Chicago drivers. 

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Using the bus is down, the ozone is up, ESPN is getting into the snack game, Krispy Kreme won't stop until we're all dead and not one of us is drinking enough water. 

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The government is taking our stoves, most of us were hot for teacher, bicycles are after our children and a sad day for my mailbox.....

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Another lottery hits the Billy mark, we may be down a big lake soon, Reese's knows what it has, the Joker is expecting and Elon Musk sets a record nobody wants

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More COVID flying around, scientists think if we ever meet aliens we're gonna lose our minds, the Mega Millions is nearly a billion and there is a Sunday night Lions game?!!!

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Colorado is down one funeral home director, Louisiana sounds like an insane hell hole, growing up with money means you have a leg up on being a QB and Stanford comes over the top with some uhhhh "good" news!

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Papa John has a brand new bag, we need to declutter, there is a library in Colorado that PARTIES and we all went deep into debt for the holidays

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And we're back after a long holiday break! Lions are ready for prime time, we nearly lost Hawkeye, Bill Cosby wants to tour, the Treasury is having a bad time and Nostradamus predicts the bad times ain't even started yet!

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Boom, the last one for 2022. Thank you for a great year and have a great holiday you sexy beast!

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Vince McMahon is having a bad 2022, loads of people are buying Xmas presents early, Elon Musk's bad 2022 continues and bad news if you want a cig in New Zealand. 

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The NBA has a new award, Chips Ahoy! has a new bold flavor, the Lions are a top 10 squad and things sound depressing at Twitter HQ...

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There are dudes out there that dine out every day of the week,  most of us believe malls are insane this time of year, church is down, jean jackets are up and condoms are free in France!

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It's a day to stretch, there is a very good puppy in NYC, more people would forguive cheaters than you'd think, Kanye won an award over the weekend and I beat my wife in fantasy football!

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None of us like crypto, there is a new fancier cocaine out there just in time for the holidays, those dumb AI selfies are everywhere and some homeowners are already royally screwed. 

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Indonesia sounds like no fun, the Navy wants sworse people, a Chicago cop learns a tough lesson on vacation, we're going to drive a ton this Christmas and Elon Musk hates monkeys!

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Franzia is getting in the holiday spirit, we all hate the same Xmas song, most of us are tightening our belts and using pencils

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The kids these days love the weed and hate the booze, half of us are huge liars, Apple is packing up and leaving and Jimmy G is donezo

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KFC is "helping" the homeless, Aldi hates your underpants, Pepsi has an awful holiday drink recipe it's a big day for the baguette and for the humble ninja!

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Gas prices are up, so are killer robots. Half of us love the holidays, the Liver King surprises nobody and a NC man sets a record!

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Kanye gets a stiff bill, cheap dates are on the rise, Hot Pockets has clothing now, and we're fatter than we've ever been and put a little Jameson under the tree!

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The biggest volcano in the world is having a bad week, Red Lobster is rolling out more Cheddar Bay goodness, morning people have it easier and Mt. Dew has.....a holiday flavor.

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We have a new oldest dog, Elon Musk is filling Twitter with nudes, your couch has a lifespan and it is quite short and it's National Day of Giving!

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Post-Thanksgiving shopping is way up, so is the price of salsa in Texas! Pepsi has a new World Cup flavor, we don't feel good about the gifts we give and it's Cyber Monday!

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Last Index before Thanksgiving, have a great holiday!

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Mariah Carey is invading Thanksgiving, some of us are turning our heat OFF this Winter, NASA has some big dreams, the Lions are in second (what?) and Olivia Wilde is single y'all!

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The new Fast & Furious movie is going to be the most expensive one yet, half of us don't care about lunch that much, not many of us plan on eating right until January and we NEED sleeeeeeeep. 

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The Walking Dead is at the end, we love giving good gifts, Mt. Dew is busting one out for the fans, Taylor Swift and Ticketmaster have had a week bro and Pickleball will be the death of us!

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Adderall is up, Hawai'i is down, Taylor Swift and Ticketmaster are having a bad week, Andy Dick is locked up and there is a sniper in Ukraine you want zero smoke from. 

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A classic rock band is hanging it up for good, we have a new "biggest song of all time," Jeff Bezos is giving all his money away and legalizing weed makes your state bank!!

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Jason's got a new dog, if you bought crypto through FTX you're having a bad time, the Lions are having a "dream" season and Stouffer's is entering the liquor game!

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Loads of people have been on blind dates, BK has a new sandwich that sounds difficult to order, Dana White wants to slap the hell out of people, Lite Brite had a big weekend and so did them Deeeetroit Lions!

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Most young adults are on the pills, way too many of us drive drowsy, Krispy Kreme wants you fatter than the turkey, celebrate your Civic and it turns out a shocking number of people cut their own hair!

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Electricity is going to break the bank this Winter, the park people have a simple ask of you, we have a new "Sexiest Man Alive" Patron wants more of your cash and Casey Anthony has a show now? 

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Some of us dislike ALL of our coworkers, the World is getting to be a crowded place, Facebook is laying people off and in case you haven't heard...it's ELECTION DAY!

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Krispy Kreme is hooking you up for voting, the demise of Daylight Savings Time could kill us, the Constitution is up for sale next month and it's gonna be cheaper to dine out for Thanksgiving. 

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Krispy Kreme is hooking you up for voting, the demise of Daylight Savings Time could kill us, the Constitution is up for sale next month and it's gonna be cheaper to dine out for Thanksgiving. 

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Miller Lite wants to help you with Christmas decorating, we all start feeling old around the same age, there is some bad football headed your way this weekend and you may be a billionaire Saturday night!

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Chick-Fil-A is testing new stuff, there is an NFL franchise up for sale, Elon Musk wants his $8, so does Big Turkey!

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The NFL trade deadline has passed, Kraft announces they're doing something we all thought they've been doing for years, Kanye's mess continues, picking your nose could hurt your mind and it's National Deviled Egg Day!

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Now that October is over, how about a real quick post-Halloween PSA? Football has broken up a ton of friendships, Diddy is a billionaire and 2 minutes can save your life. Or extend it or whatever. 

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Elon Musk is firing the wrong people, Baskin-Robbins brings back a classic, Jake Paul won, it's Halloween and Powerball is about to make someone a BILLIONAIRE. 

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It's been a bad year for Mark Zuckerberg, T.J. Maxx is out there lying their ass off, GrubHub has drops a shocking fact, it's National Frankenstein Day and the Powerball is insane!

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Most of us would still choose love over money, a couple reasons to have a beer today, Twitter is on the decline, Harvard is the best school you can go to and Snoop smokes a superhuman amount of pot. 

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The McRib is saying farewell, Apple TV+ is going up, we have a new World's Dirtiest Man, Kanye continues his downward spiral and we're getting fake steak!

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We really hate how our homes look, politicians are crushing the paper waste game, nearly half of us are unbroken and maaaaan we cannot wait to post bad reviews!

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Home values could be dipping soon, loads of people are out there going commando, a pasta company is being sued by morons, and according to a new poll it really is the little things in life!

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Andy Dick is on the upswing, the UK has a job opening, kids aren't riding the bus anymore, Dr. Pepper is after your teeth and Millennials' sex lives dry up after marriage

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Can you imagine a $300K Caddy? Your lack of sleep is killing you....so are hot dogs, chips and soda. Turkey is up, Arizona Iced Tea will never be and kids in Boston may be the death of all of us. 

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Eminem isn't getting any younger, Uber wants to get you high, Arby's wants to get you drunk, we're all going to be broke AF soon, and we're getting a new "Twister!"

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The Birds Aren't Real people are still out there, there is a doctor in Ohio that refuses to retire at 100, we'd pay more for things if they'd just last longer, Kanye made a big buy this week and Tennessee[...]

D.C. sounds uh...pleasant, some cereals are off the "healthy breakfast" list, New York Mom is giving Florida man a run for his money to start the week and most parents admit they suck at one thing....

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About a third of us don't care much for pets, Lions are still gonna lose on a bye week, apparently there are very wealthy denim collectors, Alex Jones had a pricey week and we HATE donating at the register. 

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Florida man is having a rough time, some of us get stressed the second we wake up, Syphillis is up, bras are down. 

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Gisele is hiring someone to help get over the hump, kids are going into date debt, we all lied about COVID stuff, almost half of people listening to this podcast poop only once a day. How do you deal?!!!! HOW???!

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Your Mom likes her meat a certain way, women hate their hands, something stinks in Salt Lake City, Ye is off Instagram and you most likely eat a family meal on the same day every week!

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The Lions had a(nother) rough weekend, petting dogs is better than Prozac, Kanye West wants your vote, so do the bears in Alaska and we have a winner in the Taco Bell election!

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Colleges are having a bad time, we'd do ANYTHING for one stress-free day, not drinking could be bad for you and Reese's wants us to be fat forever!

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We're in a ton of national debt, KFC is upping their game a little too late, Elon Musk is writing a big ol' check, love a plus sized person and Tom & Gisele are possibly finished?

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It be dry as Hell in Cali, we have a new king of all break up songs, none of us our doing well financially, we hate noisy travelers and all of us cuss quite a bit!

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Archaeologists make a huge discovery, a Boston banker loses his job, Nick Cannon is a dangerous man, we wear the same clothes A LOT and has anyone seen the Iced Earth guy?

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Uncrustables are expanding, NFTs are down (wut?) Elon Musk has a Terminator, you can steal Dahmer's look and Olive Garden brings back a classic!

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And poof, just like that September is behind us. 

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Little robots are out there doing the Lord's work, home prices are screaming down to the basement, you have 11 things to do at work and the stink bug is back baby!!

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A whole lotta people are planning on leaving their jobs, we've all made 4 poor choices, the U.S. is apparently no longer number one, you only need three things for peak brain performance and Costco's CFO has a smart idea. 

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Bam is drinking, Lions are in dead last, teens hate the way they look, tech stocks are down and Darth Vader is retiring! All in a Tuesday's work!

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Cheating sex sounds amazing, Florida is about to get hosed off, we now have Flamin' Hot coffee, holding a fart can kill you and it's a day celebrating an American legend!

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NYU is offering a real snoozer of a class, half of us think it's OK to buy stuff, use it and take it back, the Fed wants us to starve to death, we find new foods on social media and[...]

The Space Force is still a thing AND has theme song?!!!! We're stuck in vacation ruts, Franzia wants to dress your dog, being a night owl can kill you and it's Fall y'all!!

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We wouldn't survive in olden times or without coffee, Kim Kardashian goes house shopping, and there could be.....a beer shortage!!!!!

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Men want changing tables, not everyone loves a free shirt, Bam is back under lock and key, some of us have cash hidden at home and it's my anniversary!

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Scientists are working on new tatts, cyborgs are assuring us they won't take over, being homeless in Denver sounds rad and I had another sad realization over the weekend that I am getting too old. 

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Satan is back in fashion, Oxford is scraping for guest speakers these days, more of us steal clothing than we thought and we all worry too much!

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Almost half of us have hair lies, we all watch way way too much TV, food hasn't been this expensive in our lifetime and man, this Summer WAS hot!

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The Cowboys suffer a setback, we sent a ton of accidental nudes, Britney may have retired and it's National Sober Day.....BOOOOO

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Tinder is leaving users worse off than they used to be, R. Kelly lost his commissary, couples all fight about the same three things and today we celebrate Jason's hair line!

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Florida woman wilds out, we think mighty highly of how interesting our lives are, a country club in VA has the worst 9/11 promotion ever and BK is testing actual flavor!

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We don't have many friends after 50, dog owners spend mucho dinero on their animals, 4 out of 5 of us don't cheat and the Queen is dead y'all!

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We're loving our Lambos these days, the NFL is BACK BABY, men are happy if you laugh at our jokes, and Bam is back at the bar :(

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White women are about to dialed up, Jason hates Bobby Blotzer, what you drink on the beach could say a lot about you, we like our watermelon with seeds and it's National Salami Day and I DIDN'T make it a[...]

Taking breaks is good for your soul, we're all afraid of civil war and revealing our age, apparently we're the only ones not doing it in public and none of us are going to be able to retire

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Chipotle is back on their BS, let's all celebrate the humble zit, we'd ditch coffee before dairy and Hard Mt. Dew is apparently the marrying type after all! 

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dang, just like that August is gone and Summer is on life support :(

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None of us are sleeping well, pet owners go nuts for their pets, an extra inch could nudge you closer to death and secretly treating yourself is good for your marriage!

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Disney is printing money these days, Mt. Dew and Spirit Halloween unveil a collab, we eat a ton of beef and some of us really need to MOVE!

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Our wedding was the happiest we'll ever be, Nick Cannon needs to ice down his junk, Florida woman do public pools differently and we love us some Doritos!

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News is making us sick, kids these days know how to party, Wisconsin needs to probably do a dry January and Chipotle takes a stab at the Circle of Life. 

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Younger ladies love them some beards, sad day for a Power Ranger, Dallas is getting washed away, sex can help your health better than quitting smoking and we have a new Mullet King. Bow down!!

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Raising a child these days is expensive as Hell, Taco Bell wants to give vegetarians the scoots too, Dennis Rodman is off on another grand adventure and booze with weed in it is on the rise!

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McDonald's is firing up something new, Papa John's has fans? Japan needs young people to drink more and a tip if you find yourself drinking too much!

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Church sounds wild in Missouri, we post way too much crap online, it was a big week for the Buffalo and Papa John's. Also the Browns had a helluva MGK diss this week. 

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Miller High Life is getting into the dessert game, heat is going to kill us all in 28 years, bad grammar is worse than bad sex and we spend a horrifying amount of time online!

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Three dudes broke a World record and are probably sick of each other, over half of us think we can spot a liar, Russia has a new terrifying dog, a famous pair of drawers could be yours and lonely men[...]

Great, we're going to have a shortage of pizza sauce, fertilizer cost is breaking the bank for our grocery shopping, Norway doesn't mess around and we have an embassy.....in Tijuana?

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A video game is getting it's own booze, vasectomies are up, the Bears are down, California got it right last week and we will let nothing stop us from having fun!

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Teachers have it tough, Chipotle is offering to lend them a hand, we're being priced out of eggs, and it's officially NFL preseason time babayyyy!!!

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Wendy's has got the goods, Florida is buck wild as ever but Alabama is coming hot on it's heels, Steven Seagal is still the worst and a really neat/horrifying fact about spiders!!

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Chick-fil-A  is testing out something new, we're pushing our brains too hard, Krispy Kreme is making this diet hard AF and the Choco Taco gets a stay of execution. 

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K-Fed is making the news (lol, what year is it?) young people have no love for their cars, Miami has a terrible idea for a reality show, the Lions are on TV tonight and there is a perfect new snack[...]

Alex Jones is gonna need a few dollars, your loneliness is about to get even worse, Fred Durst has found love again, Angela and Kobe are down, the Juggalos are up!

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The show is on vacation until August 8th, so this will be the last Index for a few days. 

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