The Kluck Index

7Up has a new jam, we may be giving the chickens vaccines, Hooters is going belly up and Ketamine is up, way up!!

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Panera has a new sammich nobody asked for, we have an OnlyFans beef, using punctuation could start a fight, an asteroid is going to smoke us all and half of dudes have never asked a woman out in person!

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Cap'n Crunch has Summer plans, Google Pixel user accidentally sends his nudes, Coke has the probiotics, Applebee's is up and a Baltimore Raven is down!

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Some college thinks we're morning people, the polar vortex is working overtime this week, get your kid off the caffeine and dance your way to better health!

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Today we celebrate batteries, a new Dew flavor is coming our way, food is way up, so are weed drinks (NOT HERE THOUGH) and a tourist overseas takes her last selfie. 

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Things are terrible in SoCal, Ozempic is killing the booze game, Valentine's Day was good for couples, snow blowing sucks and used cars are gonna stay high.

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Happy Valentine's Day to those who celebrate!

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A&W is firing off some beetus in a can, NYC is the most romantic place in America, we fight with our partners about money a lot, tuna is being recalled and it's Galentine's Day!

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Subway is getting into the romantic spirit, a massive asteroid is coming in 7 years, nesting parties are up, McDonald's is down. 

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Girl Scouts are teaming up with Pop Tarts, China is tariff-ing (?) us back, Sleepmaxxing is in, so is gambling and saving for retirement. 

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